6 Ways To Know I’ve Found A Keeper
I’m a 36-year-old man looking for love. I’ve been married, divorced, gone on over 100 1st dates (in the last 6 years), and this week, did a 40 minute tell-all about my love life.
While I’ve met some amazing women, and continue to put myself out there, I haven’t found the right long term match.
I’ve always thought I’d find love at first sight (or know soon thereafter), but that hasn’t happened – and has also been the formula to fall for the wrong person before properly getting to know them.
I’ve also read several books on calling in the one, done visualization exercises, connected with how I want to feel in a relationship, and even emailed a detailed description of my dream woman to dozens of people in hopes that someone would know her…Yet, I am still single, and having a long check-list of desired characteristics, and trying to force-manifest love hasn’t been the answer either.
A little while back, while sitting home alone on a Saturday night watching Pitch Perfect 2 – and feeling sorry for myself, I pushed pause, took out a piece of paper, and wrote “How will I know when I’ve found her?” at the top of the page. I was ready to push the checklist and preconceived fantasies/attachments to the side and put together a totally different type of criteria. One that would give me clarity in the event that it’s not beyond obvious or if I am living in fantasy land and detached from reality, blowing past blatant red flags.
Here’s what I wrote down:
How will I know when I’ve found her?
•I’m so present and alive in her company. My mind doesn’t wander and I don’t want to be anywhere else because we are having so much fun together.
•It flows…we are on the same wavelength and have a healthy energetic balance – we are both in contribution and naturally know when to give and take the lead, and when to receive & relinquish control.
•There is a strong physical attraction.
•We want the same big things in life…(i.e. a family, to live in LA, etc).
•We admire each other as individuals (outside of our love agendas) and naturally inspire each other to be our best.
•We see and get each other on a deep emotional level and feel safe, accepted, and free to be who we are (i.e. not trying to change one another).
While I’m still single, this new criteria has been helpful in knowing whether to move on or go on another date, and has also opened up my eyes that the love of my life and the women I choose to build a family with may not look exactly how I envision she will, or could perhaps even be someone I already know.
Whether you are single, in a beautiful loving relationship, or wondering whether you are in the right relationship, I hope these criteria resonates and is beneficial for you!
I think we all deserve the LOVE we yearn for…and for me personally, I’m doing my best to be the man I need to be to ultimately & finally attract her into my life!
If you are curious to hear more of my story, tune in to this week’s podcast titled…Am I Being Real about My Love Life? Marriage, Divorce, and 100+ 1st Dates.
I share a comprehensive and perhaps TMI depiction of my love history, the highs, lows, and embarrassments of dating, and asked myself the toughest questions I could…“Why am I still single and am I ready to meet my person?
It’s easily the most vulnerable thing I’ve ever put out publicly and I have been feeling especially sensitive and delicate since recording it, both about the fear of releasing it and feeling so exposed publicly, but also because such a deep reflection and share was so cathartic and heart-connecting for me.
I share it in the hope that my openness can be of some benefit to you…whether it’s relatable, thought-provoking, or just oddly interesting. ENJOY and feel free to share it out with anyone you know who is looking for love!
Have a beautiful love-filled week!